Why what’s on the inside matters more than what’s on the outside

I have struggled with anxiety for a huge part of my life. What does it feel like for me? It feels like the tightening of the chest, shortness of breath, and it involves catastrophic thinking. And yet, from the outside, I had checked the boxes of success. I had completed a PhD from an Ivy League university. I excelled in my career and continued to grow professionally. I was fit and healthy and had a disciplined regimen of exercise and diet.

But on the inside, I was struggling. I wasn’t really enjoying these accomplishments, and even when people gave me accolades, I felt like I didn’t deserve them or live up to them. I was also frantically in my mind, thinking about the next goals and having anxiety about the possibility of never achieving them.

It wasn’t until I had my first child,, my son, that I started to slow down. I knew that I couldn’t operate like this and still be there and be present for my son. This sent me on a self-help journey and it propelled me to seek coaching. That’s how I arrived at thoughtwork, which helped me slow my mind down and become aware of how my thoughts were holding me back. It wasn’t about the goals. It was about how I felt inside. I wanted to be at peace. I wanted to be joyful. I wanted to truly be engaged and feel alive in the process of achieving something, not just keep looking for the next goal. I wanted to feel powerful and own it. That’s what coaching did for me. It disrupted my previous ways of thinking and it showed me that I had a choice in bringing in new thoughts that would better serve me.

Now, when I have anxiety, I invite it in, like an old friend. I let it wash over my body and go through it. I feel present and engaged. And most importantly, I know that I have a tremendous power within me that is not dictated by circumstance. It’s all about my thoughts and I get to choose them. If any of this resonates with you, contact me. I would love to work with you and help you manage your brain. It will change you life as it did mine.